"the end is only ever the beginning"

My boyfriend and i broke up a few days ago. I decided it was time to stop waiting. I can wait no longer for the light in his eyes to return. For the laugh that makes me smile when my heart needs it most to come back. I am tired of waiting for the man i fell in love with so many years ago to come home at night and hold me like he once did when we were young.

He is a new man, my old man. And it took me a long time to figure it out but once i did my decision was easy. The hardest part was knowing that he does not care. I have not had the desire to see him but i have seen a few of our friends. I hate knowing that he does not miss me, does not want our life back.

Since my experience and journey through this class started so many months ago, i believed that i had experienced my "rock bottom" to quote the cliche. But sitting on my green king sized comforter crossed legged crying until i was barely able to think, i told him i was leaving; that my desire to fight for our relationship is gone and having him look at me with nothing in his eyes. He did not speak at all, he sat still and held me while i cried telling me its okay. That he is okay.

That's how it ended, with me crying, feeling like i couldn't breath with him walking out my front door. How much can the human heart handle? If each day we experience catharsis through television, news and literature, how much more do we subject ourselves to conciously or subconciously?